


Outside of Work

by DarkDumb



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: At least most of the time, Funny, Just shenanigans, Lighthearted, M/M, and fixing their relationship in the process, i don't really have a good story so..., just the two of them doing stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-06-25 13:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19746418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkDumb/pseuds/DarkDumb
Summary: Hank decides it might be a good idea to reconnect with Gavin. As they try to spend time together as people instead of as coworkers, his efforts are met with little success. Or are they?





	1. The First Step

**Author's Note:**

> I like writing. It's fun. That's all there is to why I wrote this.

The day that Hank Anderson decided to reconnect with Gavin Reed was the day his personal life turned on its head. Not that it wasn’t already upside-down since a certain prototype android waltzed into his safe space. But somehow, lieutenant Anderson managed to loose himself in his emotions even more.

It was said android, named Connor, that started Hank on this path. Even though Connor was now a deviant, he took on a new mission. To make Hank’s life better in every way possible. That meant not only getting Hank to eat healthy, which proved nearly impossible, but also pulling him out of the mental rut he’s been in for years. After many conversations, which Hank called no other than ‘a visit to the psychologist’, Connor gave his uncooperative roommate homework.

“Your relationship with detective Reed is obviously suffering from past disagreements. If you manage to be on good terms with him again, it will be an improvement not only to the mental state of both of you but to the work environment in the whole precinct as well.”

Hank Anderson cursed the individual who thought it would be a good idea to give all androids access to extensive studies on human psychology.

The lieutenant was now sitting at his desk at work, battling with an impossible task. To strike up a conversation. He had been putting it off for two days now but he was only delaying the inevitable. Every day when he would get home, the ever nosy android would ask him about his homework. Hank just couldn’t keep coming back empty handed.

He kept stealing glances at his future victim. The document he was supposed to fill out three hours ago peered at him from the terminal screen empty. He had enough time to think of a plan. If this didn’t work, nothing will.

He _finally_ lifted himself off of his chair and took a few steps across the bullpen towards the detective’s desk. The man was sitting there alright. Slouched in his adjustable chair, staring down at his own crotch. Captain Fowler would get particularly irritated at the sight of his subordinates lollygagging so everybody turned to the oldest trick in the book: hiding cellphones under desks in their own laps.

As Hank took another few steps, the detective warily lifted his eyes. When all he saw was Anderson, he looked mildly relieved. Meeting Gavin’s gaze, Hank was suddenly reminded of the better days. The way that Gavin looked at him now wasn’t pleasant. But it wasn’t always like that. His eyes used to glimmer with excitement every time Hank used to talk to him. It was the kind that made him think that--

“Hey!”

Hank blinked.

“You’re gonna stand here all day or what?”

“Erm…,” Hank was flustered. “I was just, uh, on my way to the break room and was wondering if I could, um… bring you a cup of coffee?”

Gavin Reed leaned back in his chair like somebody slapped him in the face. He looked downright offended. He didn’t need to say what was on his mind. Hank could read it well enough. _Why on Earth would_ you _want to bring_ me _coffee?_

“Uh, well, um...” He didn’t think this plan through as well as he thought he had.

Gavin scoffed. “Suit yourself, I guess.”

Hank took that as a yes. “Wow, okay,” he mouthed voicelessly as he was taking slow steps around Gavin’s desk.

He made his way into the break room and put a sturdy paper cup into the coffee machine. As the black box whirred, Hank looked around the room with a sigh. When his eyes stopped on one of the high tables, his mind called up a memory again.

_Yeah, it’s the look._

He and Gavin used to spend their lunch breaks standing at that table. One of them would buy take-out food for both and they would talk for the half hour they were free. And Gavin would have that excited look on his face the whole time. That was what made talking to him so easy. _He always looked like he was…_ Hank contemplated. What?

He’s known Gavin for a long time. Reed was assigned to this precinct from day one of his career and he stayed here. Pretty much like Hank himself. Naturally, they kept bumping into each other and it was impossible not to get acquainted. First they learned each other’s names. Then they learned how the other liked their coffee. Then what they usually ate for lunch. And one day Gavin joined Hank at one of the break room tables.

There wasn’t that much to talk about at first. But Hank got strangely used to unloading all kinds of stories he used to entertain his other coworkers as well. The station’s newbie couldn’t get enough. His interest seemed much more genuine than what anyone else was able to pretend. Hank liked it. He liked it very much. And sometimes, during those brief flashes of genius self-insight, he wondered if he really enjoyed the officer’s company or if he was just stroking his ego.

The status quo changed when Hank ran out of stories and asked Gavin to talk instead. The officer only blurted out an “Oh...” and stayed dead silent. Hank didn’t think he would have to work to make Gavin talk. After weeks of bombarding him with open questions, Gavin gradually became more comfortable at sharing his own thoughts with Hank. It struck the older man as a little strange when he would often see Gavin not being able to shut up when talking to his peers around the station. So he asked around.

Apparently, the guy was really annoying. And when people said _really annoying_ , what they actually meant was _please, sir, make him stop talking to me, you have the authority over him, please, please, make this babbling idiot and his lame jokes go away and save my goddamn life… sir_.

What?

Hank took a look at Gavin’s file. The man switched partners faster than Detroit’s most renowned prostitute. No one wanted him. And while it made Hank feel a little sorry for him, what took priority in his mind was the obvious question whether he held some sort of power over Gavin. He probably did.

But why?

_He admires me. Yeah, that’s right, he just has respect towards me._

_Yes._

_Of course._

And with that, Hank Anderson concluded his investigation.

The next day he ran up to Gavin, patted him on the back, pulled him in with an arm around his shoulders and a hearty laugh and said, “Ah, Gavin, you funny little guy!” All that while completely ignoring Gavin’s red face, a crucial clue that completely flew under Anderson’s usually impeccable radar.

The coffee machine behind present-day Hank beeped.

_There was something I missed, wasn’t there?_

He took the cup of coffee in his hand. It was warm, unlike what became of his and Gavin’s relationship. Hank didn’t remember when it changed, he didn’t notice. And maybe that was one of the problems.

After the accident that turned Hank’s whole life around in all the bad ways, he didn’t pay attention to anything that wasn’t either fermented or running away from the law. He remembered that Gavin existed only when he saw him enter the station with a big white bandaid on his nose and deep shadows under his eyes. Hank noticed he was out of uniform when he approached him.

“Hey, what happened?”

Gavin gave him a look that was a mix of too many emotions for Hank to identify even one of them.

“Nothing, don’t bother,” he turned away.

“Gavin?”

The younger man only moved his shoulders like he was trying to shake off an unpleasant feeling.

_A lot had happened that I missed out on, huh?_

Present Hank looked into the pitch-black of the cheap coffee and let out a deep breath.

_It’s gonna get cold._

He made his way back to Gavin’s desk.

When taking the cup from his hand, the detective didn’t spare Hank a single glance. He finally caught Gavin’s full attention when he kept standing beside his chair. Gavin raised his eyebrows and gestured with his hand for Hank to move along. The lieutenant didn’t budge.

“Don’t you think you owe me something?” he asked.

“I don’t owe you shit, old man. Go away.”

“You weren’t taught to say ‘thank you’ after somebody does something nice for you?”

Gavin leaned back in his chair just like he did those ten minutes ago. “Wow, I didn’t know you knew the word ‘nice’.”

Hank replied with a confused face.

“Yeah,” Gavin continued, “now get lost and do your _work_ , if you know what that means too.”

Hank took a few offended steps before he turned back to Gavin again.

“You...” he pointed his finger awkwardly. _Be nice._ “I’m not… done with you, assho--” _Fight evil with kindness._ “G-Gavin.”

Reed’s laugh was unexpectedly wholehearted. Hank assumed it would be safer if he did go away for now. He sat back at his own desk, confused. Hell, that got suddenly creepy. Hank missed the old Gavin. He missed that adorable guy he once caught fixing his hair and winking at himself in the mirror. He missed his sweet smiles and the way he always tried to naturally laugh at the perfect moment during Hank’s stories. And he missed how all of that used to make him… _feel._

Gavin’s affection was different from that of Hank’s own family. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He couldn’t then and he couldn’t now. This sort of stuff was never his strong suit. He didn’t have a library of psychological studies in his head. Connor would know. Something told him Connor _did_ know. But the same thing also told him Connor wouldn’t tell.

Turning to look at Gavin across the office again, he observed him sip the coffee with a grimace. _People change,_ he thought, _but also people don’t change._ Hank couldn’t get the old Gavin back. But he thought he could bring back whatever that thing was that Gavin used to have for him. Or parts of it at least. It might take a lot of digging through shit but he was sure something was still there.

Hank would dig that treasure up, Gavin would change and once again he would turn into somebody Hank would feel pleasure talking to.

The only thing Hank didn’t realize was that all that digging would inevitably lead to some changes on his part as well.


	2. Little Too Close

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank and Gavin go out on definitely-not-a-date. I'm serious. Not a date. Nothing to see here. Don't make me tell you 'I told you so'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going over this chapter for like the 92546th time when I started to feel a little anxious about it and that's when I had to stop because I'm doing this purely to have fun and I don't plan on letting myself ruin it. So, if there's something wrong, I don't care... I hope?

_Café_.

That was it. No creative title, no owner’s name on the storefront, nothing memorable really. Except the coffee. If you made the best coffee in the city, there was nothing more you needed after all. When somebody said ‘the café’, everybody knew they meant ‘ _the Café’._ Just the best fucking coffee in all of Detroit.

Gavin Reed still couldn’t believe Hank invited him to go outside _together_ , let alone _here._ Gavin, the coffee addict, has been to the Café once or twice already. It was crazy expensive of course. But Anderson was paying so why the hell not?

_Oh yeah, Anderson._ That crazy idiot tried making small talk with Gavin all week. It bothered Reed and he sure showed it. But Hank kept going. Eventually, what fell out of Anderson’s mouth after all the empty bullshit he said was _just fucking unbelievable_ as Gavin thought.

“I’m gonna be honest with you.”

Please don’t.

“I feel sorry we don’t talk as much.”

Oh, jeez.

“I enjoyed the time we used to spend together.”

Oh, _jeez._

“How about we meet over a proper cup of coffee sometime?”

And lastly, well...

“I’d love to not hate you anymore, you know?”

_Yeah, I’d love to not hate you too, Hank. I’d love to_ ‘don’t’ _you a lot of things. I’d love to_ ‘do’ _you a lot of things too actually. But there’s a_ ‘used to’ _that belongs into those sentences as well._

_Fuck._

Why did that guy have to make him think so much about stuff he didn’t want to think about anymore? Stuff that used to make him lose his mind in a different sense than it made him lose his mind now? Gavin decided to listen to his inner calling to not think about all the reasons the two of them fell out. Instead, he’ll just go and enjoy good coffee. Talking to Anderson was secondary.

Gavin opened the heavy glass door to the Café. The warmth inside was pleasant. He knows he must look stupid with his chin buried deep in his scarf and nose red because of the winter wind. It didn’t take long for him to find Hank. He was sitting right in the middle of the coffee shop at a small round table with two chairs. Hank’s smile was more soft than polite. Gavin thought all of this would be easier if he didn’t feel so bitter about the other man. It was almost a wish. Almost.

He stuffed his scarf in his pocket as he sat down opposite Hank.

“Hey,” Hank started, “found the place alright?”

This polite small talk again. Was that all he could do?

“Yeah, I’ve been here a few times.”

“Ah. Do you like it here?”

Gavin stopped fiddling with the menu. He was tired of Anderson asking these questions all the time.

“It’s pretentious. Cheesy quotes on walls. Everything’s wood. These chairs are older than _you_. The whole place smells like ‘home’,” he curled his fingers into air quotes. “Whoever designed this coffee shop was twenty years too late.”

Hank’s smile faded. Giving Anderson a hard time was all Gavin did for more than two years and he was perfectly fine with it. But now that Hank was trying to actually talk with Gavin, all the insults suddenly started to feel a little too real. And _real_ was something Gavin realized he didn’t quite want.

“Forget it,” he sighed. “You ordered yet?”

Hank picked up the obsolete paper menu. “No.”

A smiling waitress appeared by their side just in time. “Hello. May I take your order?”

Gavin looked up. He was half inclined to ask for at least a quadruple shot of whiskey. Instead, he ordered a colombian espresso. Hank stared at the menu for a few seconds more. He shifted in his seat, looking nervously from the paper card to Gavin.

“Uh, just… chai latte.”

Gavin snickered so loud it turned a few heads. The waitress walked away with an awkward grimace. Reed’s shit-eating grin grew even wider as Hank’s cheeks turned a shade redder.

“You serious?”

“Hey, I was told I need to change my lifestyle to something healthier. Apparently, I drink too much coffee.”

“Oh, is that what your robot roomie told you?”

“It’s what anyone would tell _you_ too.”

Gavin crossed his arms over his chest. “Is that right?”

“Yeah. I see you chugging five cups a day at work. You have problems.”

Gavin would retort but there was something about the fact that Hank was keeping tabs on him that made him shut up. Satisfied with the win, Hank’s smile returned, this time more smug than soft.

Gavin’s fingers tapped nervously on his arm. He didn’t like this weird silence but he couldn’t find anything to talk about. He looked around, trying to spot something interesting.

“Hipster.”

Hank raised his eyebrows. “Huh?”

“You asked me if I liked it here before. I don’t. It’s hipster. Hipsters should have died out a long time ago. This café really shouldn’t be as popular as it is.”

Hank opened his mouth to talk but didn’t find anything to say.

To kill the awkward silence again and keep Hank from asking another one of those boring questions, Gavin had to keep babbling.

“This place used to be android-free, you know,” he said, still looking around.

Hank kept silent, confused as to where the detective was going with this.

“Not that surprising,” Gavin chuckled. “What would they do here anyway?”

“I don’t know. Sit down with friends and enjoy the atmosphere.”

Gavin craned his neck at Hank with a ‘ _that’s ridiculous_ ’ expression. “The horrible hipster atmosphere?” he grinned. “The… _hipstersphere_?” he followed up with his usual obnoxious laugh.

Hank didn’t move a single muscle.

Gavin grew silent quickly. But not for long. Just as he opened his mouth to start pulling more random topics out of his ass, the waitress returned with their drinks. She interrupted his train of thought but it didn’t matter. After he took in a long breath of the pleasant smell of expensive coffee, he saw a new topic right in front of him.

“How’s your _milk_?”

“It’s _good_ ,” Hank returned defiantly. “Did you choose to be an asshole all the time or is that just part of your nature?”

Gavin sipped his coffee sarcastically. “What do you think?”

“I thi- You know what? Let’s drop this bullshit — whatever _you’re_ trying to do especially — and talk like two human beings.”

Anderson was finally talking sense. Gavin didn’t want to let on that he was relieved but he failed. “Yeah, that actually sounds good.”

“Great.”

“Awesome.”

“Oookay,” Hank reached forward with his hands, “how was your day?”

“No!” Gavin groaned.

“What?”

“You’ve been asking me stuff like that the whole week. What am I supposed to say?” He put on a comically polite tone, “It was fine, thank you. I’m tracking down a murderer actually. Oh, you should have seen the victims. A fucking animal! Anyway, anything new in _your_ life lately?” he ended with a high-pitched laugh.

“It’s just small talk.”

“And it’s stupid.”

“It’s supposed to lead to a more interesting conversation later. Jesus, I can’t believe I have to teach you how to talk to people.”

“I know how to talk to people. But don’t you think we’re a little above all that?”

Hank didn’t have an answer for that. Gavin’s hint at their shared history put both of them back into silence. Each stared into the drink in front of them grimly.

This time it was Hank who deemed the situation fruitless. “What would you wanna talk about then?”

Gavin sighed softly. He took another sip of coffee to regain his composure. After a minute he seemed to have gotten back to his usual self.

“How’s living with plastic detective?”

Hank spotted the slight mischief in Gavin’s voice but decided to be sincere anyway. “It… beats drinking myself to unconsciousness every night, I guess.”

When Gavin averted his eyes, Hank thought it wouldn’t hurt to indulge him a bit after all. “He can get pretty annoying though.”

Seeing Hank’s smile, Gavin’s own appeared. Sad but heartfelt. It was the first time in a good long while that Hank saw Gavin look genuine. He felt something move inside himself. Seeing Gavin Reed, of all people, show this tiny bit of compassion was strangely satisfying.

Hank’s eyes got stuck on one part of Gavin’s face in particular. “You never told me how you got that scar.”

Gavin’s gaze dropped as if he wanted to look at the pink slash on his nose in question. “Right, that was when...” he suddenly stopped. He looked into his coffee in thought. “Well, it’s actually...” His lips curled into a small awkward smile when he looked back at Hank. He sighed loudly, not knowing how to continue.

“Hey, if it’s stupid, I promise I won’t laugh if you don’t want me to.”

Gavin gave up on thinking. “You know, I had all these stories prepared for every occasion, ready to wow absolutely anyone with anything they needed to hear. It was pretty genius actually,” he added. “But the truth is...”

Hank lifted his eyebrows in anticipation.

Reed hesitated. “I can’t tell you.”

Hank’s eyebrows dropped back into a mild frown. “Meaning?”

“I just-- I can’t tell you.”

Silence.

“Again, _meaning_?” Eyebrows dropping into a deeper frown.

“You would think that I’m… It’s not something you’d like to hear.”

“Gavin,” Hank started gently, “try to trust me.”

“I’m...” Gavin Reed was as insecure as his personality let him be. “I don’t think I’m ready?” he grimaced.

Hank groaned in exasperation. “Are you playing with me? Because if you are, I swear to God...”

“I’m not!”

“It can’t be _that_ bad.”

“It’s kinda weird.”

“I can handle ‘weird’, Reed.”

“It’s a little different than you thi--”

“Are you _trying_ to put more distance between us than there already is?”

The accusation left Gavin speechless.

“I’ve been trying to talk to you. But you don’t even let me ask you a single thing. And when you finally answer, you can’t do it without being a complete and utter asshole.”

All Gavin managed to do was look as surprised as he really was.

“I’m trying to be honest with you. Why can’t you just do the same?” he paused. “I’d like to think we’re on the same side. But so far you’ve just been fighting me.” His head dropped wearily. “I’m sorry I’ve been a bother, Gavin,” he got up with a bitter smirk. He pulled a banknote out of his wallet and threw it on the table hastily. “Enjoy your coffee.”

And he left.

Gavin felt like something very important just slipped through his fingers.

–

It was almost midnight. Gavin was sitting in his living room, the TV in front of him playing a movie he has seen a hundred times already. If he was paying attention, he would recite some of the dialogue along with the actors on screen. Instead, he was trying to make sense of what happened that afternoon and what he could do about it. He _wanted_ to do something about it, that much he knew. He didn’t expect that after all that time of indifference he would still care this much.

The answer was right in front of him. Hank told it to him himself even. Gavin spent the evening trying to find a way that wouldn’t be so difficult. But at the back of his mind he knew the whole time that there wasn’t one.

He had to meet him halfway.

Gavin picked up his phone from the coffee table. Well aware of what time it was, he made the call anyway.

Hank picked up. He didn’t say anything.

Gavin opened with the very thing he hated so much. “It’s pretty late. I hope I didn’t wake you?”

“I wasn’t asleep.”

The poor quality of sound made it hard to recognize any kind of emotion in Hank’s voice.

“I’m sorry.” It was what Gavin had to say even if it cost him his pride.

Hank didn’t answer.

“For how I treated you. I do trust you. If I had to choose one guy to trust with my life, it would be you,” he paused. “So, now I guess I have to tell you the thing, huh? How I got my scar. It’s connected to you. A little. That’s why I didn’t want to tell you. Long story short, I got drunk and had a fight at a bar. But there’s more to it. You remember roughly the time I got it, right? It was shortly after… your accident. I felt so sorry for you that I just went and got shitfaced. And I got myself this scar to attest to it for the rest of my life. And I feel _so bad_ about it. Because there wasn’t really a reason for me to do that. We weren’t close. I wasn’t part of your life in any way. I had no right to feel so strong about what happened to you. I had no right to… take part in your grief. I don’t know what it says about me but whatever it is, it isn’t sane.”

The phone call went silent on both ends. Gavin’s need to kill silence showed itself again. “Opening up is not easy. I guess it’s… not supposed to be, huh?”

Still no answer.

“Uh, you there?”

“Thank you, Gavin.” Whatever Hank was thinking, he was keeping it for himself.

“So, we’re good?”

The man on the other end sighed.

“Yeah yeah, I get it, no need to dig around in it anymore.”

Both of them went silent again but neither of them felt the need to end the conversation yet. Both were waiting for something from the other, they supposed, though they weren’t sure what.

“Hey, Hank?” Gavin finally broke the silence.

“Hmm?”

The only thing Gavin could come up with was also one that was very typical of him. He grinned. “You know, now that I’m thinking about it, _you_ haven’t ever told _me_ anything personal. So, I guess that means I have the upper ha--”

_Beeeeeep._

The laugh that filled Gavin’s living room was as heartfelt and sincere as the feelings he had for the man who just hung up on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you so.
> 
> Also thanks for reading! See you next time.


	3. Someone Saved My Life Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This time it's Gavin's turn to come up with an extracurricular activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This sounded better in my head.

_Laser tag._

Hank should have seen it coming when Gavin said he would take him out to do something fun. Gavin also said he owed him that much after ruining the afternoon at _the Café_. Which was very unlike him. But then he also said that it was going to be much better than sitting at a table and being awkward. Which was very like him.

_Of course it’s damn laser tag. Running around and shooting people while feeling like an action hero seems exactly like Reed’s thing._

Gavin was particularly excited by the idea too, keeping it a surprise until they arrived at the place. It was obvious that Gavin played laser tag often and Hank doubted he was this fired up every time. It had everything to do with having Hank to play with him which both amused and scared Hank at the same time.

He was now standing in a long dimly lit room. Gavin was right in front of him. He was wearing a shiny vest over his signature v-neck and he was holding another one in his hands.

“…so you put this on just like I did now,” he looked up at Hank.

“I know how to fasten a few velcros, Gavin.”

“Yeah, well,” Reed needed to have the last word, “you don’t… look like it,” he snickered awkwardly.

Hank didn’t know if it were the neon-colored lights or Gavin’s embarrassment but the scar on his nose glowed a faint pink. He couldn’t take his eyes off of it now more than ever.

What Gavin told him over the phone a week earlier gave him a lot to think about. Hank now understood that Gavin didn’t want to tell him because it meant revealing some things he wasn’t quite comfortable with. He was glad that Gavin decided to put that kind of trust in him but he didn’t know how to feel about what he heard.

What he did feel was some strange sort of responsibility. Although being mostly a pain in the ass, Gavin was probably more fragile than it seemed at first sight. Whether it was Hank’s intention or not, there was a time when he played a big part in Gavin’s life. The scar was a proof of how strong Gavin’s feelings for Hank used to be. And how strong Gavin’s feelings _could_ be. Every time he looked at his face now he was reminded of it.

_Feelings, feelings, feelings._ Hank had a lot of time to think about all of it and he really did. So much that he got lost in it and came to no conclusion at all. The true nature of Gavin’s feelings was still hidden from him although a vague idea started to take shape in his head. The more Hank thought about it the more he was convinced that he didn’t want to know at all. Everything would be much easier if he just didn’t care. There was always something going on in Gavin’s head that Hank had no idea about. And there was a chance it might be connected to Hank himself.

Above the pinkish scar, Gavin’s eyes looked at him questioningly.

_What’s going on in his head now?_

“Are you gonna take it or what?”

“Hm?” Hank was torn out of thought. He looked down and saw that Gavin was still holding the other vest. “Yeah, sorry,” he took it and put it on quickly.

“And then you have these glasses. It’s kind of an augmented reality sort of thing or whatever it’s called. You see?” Gavin put the plastic glasses on Hank’s face nimbly. “It shows our number of lives, the scoreboard and some other stuff.”

Hank blinked, trying to get accustomed to the interface. “Lives?”

“Oh yeah, each pair has five shared lives. If the two of us die five times in total, it’s game over. Let’s say I die once and you die four ti--”

“I get it, I get it.”

“And whoever survives last, wins.”

“Right.”

“This is your gun,” Gavin took one plastic pistol off a hook on a nearby wall. Just as everything else there it looked vaguely futuristic. “Just point and shoot.”

“Simple enough,” he took the laser toy out of Gavin’s hand.

“Okay,” Reed took the rest of his gear off a hook too. “You good?”

Hank hummed in agreement.

“Let’s go.”

Hank followed Gavin into a room at an entrance to the arena where all the six pairs gathered before the game. He could already hear electronic music from inside theplay area. Its walls were black and decorated with neon colored lights just like the rest of the establishment. It made for quite a confusing sight and people running around will be harder to spot but Hank assumed that was the intention. He knew what laser tag was but the phenomenon somehow missed him. Nobody had taken him out to play and he never made an effort to do so himself. He wasn’t very interested in it but now that Reed dragged him here he had no choice but to humor him.

After looking over the people around, Gavin turned to Hank with a confident smirk. “These guys are _noobs_. This is gonna be a piece of cake,” he mumbled.

Hank wanted to tell him that pride comes before a fall and all that but Gavin’s smug expression suddenly changed.

“Ah, shit,” he looked over Hank’s shoulder inconspicuously. “I know that guy.”

Hank turned around and saw a tall well groomed man in his thirties.

“Well, well… Gavin Reed,” he said slowly. That was all Hank needed to hear to know that this man was one arrogant dick. Next to him was a woman which he assumed was his wife. She looked rather sheepish unlike her significant other.

“Bennett,” Gavin replied, folding his arms over his chest.

“Brought a partner I see.”

Hank offered his hand. “ _Lieutenant_ Hank Anderson,” he couldn’t help but include his hard earned rank.

The other man shook his hand with an amused hum. “Richard Bennett.”

_Ah, so he really_ is _a dick._

“And this is my wife Stacy.” Before she could say anything, her husband turned to Gavin and continued. “It’s been a while, _Gav_. I see your job in the police is working out?”

“Yeah. I’m a _detective_ , just so you know,” he asserted himself.

“Uh-huh,” he gave Hank a weird look. “Anyway, good luck,” he lifted his laser pistol and winked. “You’re gonna need it.”

When he turned away, Gavin grabbed Hank by the sleeve and led him to the other side of the small crowd. “I need to wreck that guy,” he said almost desperately.

“Why?”

“We used to go to high school together. Now he’s some super rich businessman or whatever and _the_ biggest asshole I know.”

“Bigger than you?” Hank teased.

Gavin shot him an ‘ _are you done?_ ’ look. “Come on. He’s been feeding his ego off of me ever since we first met. I have to get back at him this time.”

Hank enjoyed Gavin’s wishful expression for a few seconds more. That guy really did seem like an asshole. Hank thought giving him a lesson wouldn’t hurt. But he never made false promises. “Look, I’ve never played this before, I can’t really help.”

“All I need is for you to work with me.”

“I’ll do my best, I guess.”

Gavin’s confidence returned with a playful smirk.

–

“Shit, sorry.”

“Jesus, Hank, will you stop bumping into me?”

“You said keep close.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to become conjoined twins.”

“I was just trying to watch our backs. I was looking that way and--”

“Okay, okay, just try not to do it again. We already lost one life.”

Gavin sighed and tiptoed towards the next corner. He peeked out and saw an open room with a few small barriers for cover. An unknown couple stood at an entrance to a far corridor, their backs turned to Gavin. He grinned. _On a silver platter._

Just as he lifted his gun to shoot, he was hit with what felt like a wrecking ball and went flying out into the open. He landed on his stomach with a muffled huff which was luckily drowned out by the omnipresent music. The couple next to him shared a suspicious look but didn’t turn around. A distant beep sounded off behind Gavin, followed by a quiet “Shit.” Suddenly, Hank grabbed him by his feet and dragged him back into the safe corridor like a rag doll. Gavin hurried on his feet and glued his back to the wall. Not far he saw a man running for cover after having been shot. From the small room he heard loud footsteps as the couple ran the other way to find targets to shoot.

Hank’s face turned into an apologetic grimace when Gavin shot him a crazed look.

“You can’t be serious, Anderson,” he gritted his teeth.

“They came from behind. I shot one,” Hank whispered.

“I had another pair right there. You fucked it up.”

“I’m sorry.”

A frustrated grunt escaped Gavin’s throat. “We’re _trained._ We’re supposed to be good at this. _You_ ’re supposed to be good at this.”

Hank lost patience with Gavin’s unhelpful criticism. “Well it’s not just _my_ fault. It’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. We need to communicate.”

“It’s easier than that,” Gavin raised his gun in demonstration. “You point. You shoot,” he moved the pistol around and pointed it at Hank. “And you don’t _bump_ into me!” he jabbed the barrel into Hank’s chest to emphasize his point. Hank’s vest beeped loudly. His view consisted only of Gavin’s mortified expression and the words “ _Killed by… Gavin Reed_ ” flashing across his plastic glasses.

“You know you’re not supposed to have your finger on the trigger unless you plan to shoot.”

Gavin’s face turned red just like the flashing lights on Hank’s vest.

“So stuff like this wouldn’t happen.”

Through his embarrassment he tried to frown defiantly.

“ _Dumbass_.”

Gavin looked up at Hank, trying to find words to counter his. He gave up and turned around only to find his mortal enemy standing in the room Gavin had so miraculously escaped. Bennett pulled the trigger and this time it was Gavin’s vest that beeped and Gavin’s glasses that announced the loss of third life. The tall man mouthed a silent “ _pow_ ”, blew away imaginary smoke from the barrel of his gun and got lost.

Hank only rolled his eyes at Bennett’s conceited show but Gavin growled with frustration. When it started developing into a desperate scream, Hank turned him around and put his hands on both sides of Gavin’s shoulders.

“Jesus, calm down,” he consoled him.

Gavin was still too flustered and angry to say anything. He sighed and Hank suddenly realized this petty thing could turn serious. _More fragile than it seems._

“We’ll get that asshole eventually,” he squeezed Gavin’s shoulders amicably but it did nothing. “Hey, how hard can it be to get a guy with his head that deep up his own ass?”

Gavin looked up.

“He won’t be able to see us coming.”

“I don’t think that even classifies as a joke,” Gavin said finally and smiled despite his words. “Let’s go, we’re sitting ducks.”

“That’s right,” Hank followed him.

“We’ll get him alright.”

“Oh yeah.”

–

“No!”

“I got this, just cover me.”

“It’s suicide!” Hank hissed.

Gavin hunched even lower and looked his temporary partner in the eye. “I _got_ it.”

“We can’t take on four people at once.”

“We have no choice,” Gavin gestured at the small barrier they were hiding behind. “We’re stuck in the middle of this goddamn room, enemies on both sides. We won’t make it to the corridor without getting shot.”

“Well, shit, let’s just wait until those two pairs shoot each other and get out.”

“They’re playing it safe behind cover.”

“And we’ll do the same.”

“Do you see that?” Gavin pointed towards the corridor right behind their backs. “More people can get here that way any second and what will they find, huh?”

Hank wasn’t a fan of somebody playing the hero. “We have two lives left. We won’t be able to get Dick if we’re out.”

Gavin stopped fidgeting. “ _Dick?_ Oh, Richard?” Gavin burst out laughing, forgetting about all the time he was wasting.

Hank found it oddly satisfying to see Gavin laugh at something he said. He forced himself to stop smiling before Gavin could notice.

“Okay, I’m going in,” Gavin said, not giving Hank any time to protest again. He jumped over the low wall and ran to the right side of the room. Hank shot the first guy who decided to peek out to kill his partner. Gavin leaped over the high cover and eliminated the other half of the pair in the process. The two men cursed and evacuated, giving Gavin space to spot another shooter on the far end of the room and take cover just in time. A beep told him that Hank was doing his job. Gavin vaulted over the barrier again. Taking slow steps towards their last victim, he showered the fleeing man in infrared beams. Hank could finally straighten himself and looked at Gavin standing victoriously in the middle of the room.

“Whoo, yeah, who’s good at this game _now_ , huh?” Gavin cheered and started dancing with his hands high above his head.

This time Hank couldn’t hold back a chuckle as he watched him sway closer. Gavin’s hips stopped moving when he heard a familiar beep and a red text flashed across his vision. “ _Killed by… Richard Bennett._ ” The two turned to the short corridor at Hank’s back that they feared just a little while ago.

“You’re embarrassing yourself, _Gav,_ ” Dick said and disappeared into the passage again. They could hear his annoying laugh even after he turned around the corner.

“I was right in front of him. He shot _past_ me at _you_.” Hank tuned back to Gavin with a disbelieving look.

“Yeah, well, I told you he was the biggest asshole I know.”

After witnessing Bennett’s harassment firsthand, Hank felt sympathy for Gavin. “Was that what you were going through the whole time in high school?”

Gavin didn’t answer. There wasn’t much Hank could read from his expression. The only thing he could understand was the scar on his nose. And for the first time, Hank could feel some of those feelings flow both ways.

He slapped Gavin’s back harshly to knock the bad thoughts out of him. “We still got one life left. Let’s show him what us poor unsuccessful cops are made out of.”

Hank was happy to see his words had a positive impact when Gavin smiled again.

“Yeah. Let’s fuck Dick up.”

The horribly sounding sentence had no right to cause Hank to laugh so genuinely.

–

_Oh, I’m dead. So fucking dead._

Gavin was lost in the maze of black walls and completely alone. Hank was supposed to be right behind him but when Gavin turned around to check he was gone. Just gone. He tried calling him but didn’t want to attract attention to himself.

The game was coming to an end. The scoreboard told Gavin there were only two pairs left. Him with Hank and that jerk-off Bennett. And Bennett’s wife which Gavin hasn’t seen the whole game and which Dick probably left in the dust as he chased after the object of his tyranny. What was her name again?

_It doesn’t matter. Focus!_

Being alone during a game of pairs is not a good sign. Twice the opportunities to lose lives. And they had just one while Dick still had two.

_Dick, heh._

Gavin did refer to Bennett this way in his mind. It was a common nickname for somebody named Richard but Gavin’s childish mind always went for the other meaning. And there was something about a decorated police lieutenant thinking the same way that made it even better. Speaking of which, he should find him before any of them get into trouble.

Gavin tried to backtrack but Hank wasn’t there. He continued to navigate through the short corridors and open spaces carefully, looking out for Dick who liked to surprise him whenever possible.

He entered a large room at the very center of the arena. It was littered with all kinds of cover, from low thin walls to large blocks. Gavin walked through the room and checked every corner. He didn’t think anyone was there but one can never be too careful. After looking through the whole room he stopped and considered where to go next.

“Hey, _Gav_.”

He turned around as quickly as the laws of physics let him but the bastard was too close. Bennett knocked Gavin’s gun out of his hand with a single swing of his arm. Gavin’s eyes followed the falling arc of his plastic pistol. Already in his personal space, Dick took another step and bumped into Gavin’s chest. Gavin staggered backwards and his heels hit one of the low walls. He fell on his back with a breathless wheeze. Struggling to prop himself up on his elbows, a perfectly polished shoe landed on his chest and flung him back down.

“What the _fuck,_ Dick?” Gavin panted.

Bennett aimed his gun at Gavin’s vest. “Still childish I see.”

“This is borderline assault, asshole.”

“Yeah, we both know you’re not gonna sue me.”

“What is wrong with you? Can’t you leave me alone? What’s with this theatrical bullshit?”

“Bitter about losing again, _Gav_?”

“Don’t call me that,” Gavin grabbed the leg holding him down but the pressure on his chest increased.

“Why should I not feel good about being better than you? That’s just the way of life. Natural selection. You’re a loser and always will be. I knew if from the first moment I saw you.”

All those times when Bennett stood atop Gavin like that in the back of the school hallway resurfaced in Gavin’s mind. All those times he felt powerless. All those times he was told he was lesser. Times when he couldn’t fight back. When he wasn’t strong enough to defeat not just the bully but his own hatred for himself. There was no point in trying. When for anything he would decide to do there was someone who would have done much better in his place.

He worked so hard to get where he was now but this horrible nightmare was catching up to him. He wished there was something that would help him get out. Something that would show him he was worthy of the place he occupied in the world. Something. Someone.

Gavin dropped his head to the ground. He gave up his hold on Bennett’s calf and his arms fell to the sides. All he could do was look at Dick’s pleased grin and watch his finger slowly pull the trigger.

But it wasn’t Gavin’s vest that lit up. Bennett’s complacent smile faded away as he read the red text in his plastic glasses. Gavin could see the mirrored letters. He recognized the only two words that mattered.

_Hank Anderson._

Gavin lifted his head again and saw a familiar figure standing several meters behind Bennett. This time Gavin’s glasses filled with bold green text: “ _You won!_ ”

“ _Hank!_ ” he cried out. Energy flooded every inch of his body. He tossed Dick’s leg to the side which knocked the confused man down. Gavin stood back on his feet in less than a second.

Bennett was quick on his feet for different reasons. “What the hell happened? I still had two lives!”

“I met your wife on my way here,” Hank said nonchalantly. “Should have stuck together, idiot.”

Dick responded but Gavin interrupted him with joyous laughter. He jumped over the small wall that played part in his now averted undoing and ran towards his savior. Hank stepped back, startled by Gavin’s excitement. He was scared Gavin would kiss him right then and there like it always was in the movies he used to watch. Gavin shook him by his shoulders instead.

“You son of a _bitch._ ” He pressed himself against Hank’s side and wrapped one arm around his shoulders. He was still laughing and pointed a finger at Dick. There were a million fitting things to say but one was more fitting than all the others. “ _Fuck_ you!”

Bennett rolled his eyes like he didn’t care but Gavin could see his frustration.

Hank stared back into Gavin’s blissful face. He shifted to set his arm free from between their bodies and patted Gavin firmly on the back. Hank returned the smile and saw Gavin’s expression soften. There was something beautiful about it. About how Gavin’s scar crowned the way he looked at him.

“Let’s get out of here, partner,” Gavin slapped Hank’s shoulder and led him out of the arena.

–

“And one for the man who saved my life,” Gavin slid the second glass of beer on the bar counter in front of Hank.

“Don’t exaggerate.”

They clinked glasses in toast. Gavin took a moderate sip and watched Hank gulp half of his drink. When he set the glass down with a grunt, Gavin continued.

“I don’t. Good job in there.”

“Ah, a compliment from lord Reed himself,” Hank settled on the bar stool.

“I mean it.”

“Yeah, you did well too.”

Gavin hummed and smiled. Hank always thought smiling made Gavin look dumb. His mouth changed into a long thin line and his cheeks puffed up. He looked like a big dumb baby. But a big dumb _happy_ baby. Maybe it was the fact that it made him look more innocent which was something Gavin was the opposite of. But the smiles Hank kept seeing today seemed a little different. They reached his eyes. They were genuine. Hank didn’t remember the last time he saw him do that.

“Oh, and did you see Dick’s face? Priceless,” Gavin took another sip.

Hank took a quick look around the bar. They ended up in the closest one to the laser tag arena but it was decent. Well, compared to some horrible pubs Hank had been to that is. It was a little dirty. The furniture was a little run-down. The bartender was a little rude. The beer was a little gross. And to his surprise, when he looked at Gavin’s radiant smiling face he found that Gavin didn’t belong in a place this sad. Which was something he never thought he would even consider.

“Hank?”

Gavin was still smiling. Hank smiled back. It was quite contagious.

“Hank, you’re staring.”

“Huh?”

“What are you thinking about?”

_What are you thinking about?_ Those were words Hank never thought he would hear in a casual conversation with Gavin Reed.

“Are you gonna tell me the whole story? What happened in high school with Bennett?”

Gavin’s smile disappeared and Hank was surprised to feel a tingle of regret.

“There’s not much I can say about it really. He bullied me. Or at least that’s what I think happened.”

“You _think_? It’s seems pretty clear to me.”

“I dunno, I was never able to convince anyone of it. Nobody ever did anything about it.”

“That’s horrible.”

“Well, it’s in the past now,” he clutched his glass of beer.

“These things carry over to adulthood, you know?”

“I know, I _know_ ,” Gavin sighed. There was no trace of the happiness he felt just minutes ago.

Hank knew it was his fault. “I’m sorry for bringing it up. I just…”

“What?”

Hank grunted. “I don’t know.” Why did he always have to poke around in things that were better left alone? He smiled apologetically.

Gavin reciprocated with one of the smiles Hank was used to seeing the past years. Gavin’s attitude grew colder with every second. Hank didn’t want that. He never wanted that. Not before and not now.

“I’m _so sorry_ , Gavin.” Hank’s words held much more than just an apology for ruining a visit to a bar. He wished he was able to express everything that they meant.

Gavin looked into his eyes. Hank hoped he knew.

“I don’t blame you, Hank,” he whispered. “We’ve all had ups and downs in our lives. I guess all that we’ve been through, be it good or bad, makes us who we are, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I guess it does,” Hank whispered back with a strained voice.

“If I didn’t get bullied, I wouldn’t grow up into the shining example of a perfect man you’re so keen on spending time with.”

Hank chuckled.

“So, can we stop being depressing and enjoy the win?” Gavin added with a smile.

“Agreed.”

They both sipped their beer.

“Looks like we make a good team though,” Hank remarked.

“Hm,” Gavin admitted. “When we’re not busting each other’s balls that is.”

Hank chuckled again. He didn’t know it was music to Gavin’s ears. He was just happy to see that Gavin’s genuine smile returned. And the only thing that made it even more beautiful was the scar above it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I noticed that when I paste the text from the text editor to the submission box here, for some wild and uknown reason to me, spaces between words occasionally disappear. I'm really sorry about it because it takes the reader out of the experience which is something eveRY WRITER TRIES VERY HARD NOT TO DO. I didn't proof read the previous chapters on the website but I did carefully proof read this chapter here with this in mind and will do it from now on every time. I'll go take a look if there are still errors in the previous chapters. 
> 
> Anyway, this was a longer one. Thanks for reading! Till next time.


	4. Rather not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hank and Gavin go on a road trip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's be real, who doesn't love a road trip?

**Thursday**

**5:40 am**

Gavin yawned. “Who even decided we would set off this early?”

“I did. It’s a long ride. Get in.”

Gavin opened the door and seated himself in the passenger seat of Hank’s car. He put the seat belt on, settled in the cushioned seat and closed his eyes. He felt the car sway as Hank got in too. “Waking up this early should be illegal.”

Hank only grunted.

“ _Training,_ ” Gavin continued. “Like we need one, huh? Why did Fowler send us again?”

“It’s just a two day lecture. It’s not a big deal, Gavin,” Hank finished setting the navigation and started the engine. “We’ll be back tomorrow. The station won’t even notice we’re gone if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not worried,” he yawned again. “I would just prefer to sleep in, that’s all.”

“And that’s exactly why Fowler sent us.” Hank pulled out of the parking lot in front of the apartment building where he had picked Gavin up.

“Hold on, what do you mean by that?” Gavin opened his eyes.

“A guy who couldn’t give two shits and a burned out old man. You see what I’m getting at?”

Gavin paused. “I thought we were his best men?”

“Yeah, that’s the saddest part.”

Gavin sneered and watched the passing buildings outside the window. He couldn’t deny what Hank said because he knew it was true.

Hank was surprised he didn’t hear a quippy answer. Even though they got on each other’s good side after the game of laser tag a week earlier, Gavin was still… well, _Gavin._ There were times they could talk comfortably and then there were times Gavin would counter anything Hank said like it was some kind of game. And sometimes he would even come up to Hank himself and strike up a conversation just to play this game.

Right now, Hank wasn’t in the mood to play Gavin’s games. And to his content, it seemed that Gavin wasn’t either.

–

**7:00 am**

“Ugh.”

“What is it again?”

“When was the last time you cleaned this car?”

“I don’t know. Why does it matter?”

“Just found a… piece of cookie behind my seat.”

“ _What?_ ”

Gavin’s hand disappeared between his seat and the car door. Hank watched him out the corner of his eye, keeping his attention on the road. Gavin pulled his hand out with a little shake. He held a dusty piece of food between his fingers. “Gross.”

“Jesus, Gavin, what… wh…” Hank quickly glanced at Gavin. “Why the… _why are you even sticking your hands in those places?_ ” he shouted.

“To prove my point,” Gavin said calmly. He rolled down the window and flicked the gray crumb outside. “So when was the last time you cleaned it?”

“You-- _Fuck_ you.”

Gavin laughed melodically. “Calm down.”

Hank growled. He felt Gavin’s amused smirk.

“This car _is_ a dump though.”

“If you don’t like it, you can get out and go the rest of the way on foot.”

“You’re really not in the mood today, are you?”

How foolish of Hank to think Gavin wasn’t either. All it took was a twenty minute snooze and Gavin the jerk was back. Hank regretted offering Gavin a ride to split the cost of gas. He hoped they would get along but maybe he was wrong.

“Seriously, why don’t you buy a new one?”

“Money doesn’t grow on trees, Gavin. The car works. It gets me from point A to point B. That’s all it’s supposed to do.”

“I guess you’re right.”

Hank finally relaxed. _He’s gonna stop, thank God._

But Gavin extended his finger and dragged it along the dashboard. “Still…”

Hank rolled his eyes and dug his nails into the steering wheel.

Gavin pointed the dusty finger upwards. “Hey, how about some music instead?”

–

**8:30 am**

_Hey, if I ram it into that tree, I’ll be dead before the ambulance arrives._

Hank had never been a victim of torture as cruel as this.

After criticizing Hank’s choice of heavy metal, Gavin connected his phone to the car radio. Then he said: “You’re gonna love this,” and proceeded with his selection of the most annoying, obnoxious and stupid songs that humanity had to offer. Gavin’s list was the best of the best. Or the worst of the worst. Each of the songs was extremely popular and extremely hated during its time at the top of the world charts. Hank knew them _all._ And he hated them all.

God knew why he still didn’t rip the phone out of Gavin’s hands and didn’t throw it out the window. Maybe because Gavin was having so much fun with it. Childish maddening fun. But still real fun. He giggled every time Hank grunted “Jesus, not this one,” at the start of every new masterpiece.

Though it was a little endearing how Gavin tried so hard to annoy him. Hank thought about all the times that week when Gavin scuttled to Hank’s desk and started one of his games with introducing a divisive but trivial topic. Why did he never seriously tell him to get lost? It was just a game after all. Always a game. And you either played or not.

Hank was somewhere in the middle. If such a thing was even possible. He would play along for a while but he would get bored of it quickly, ending the game with a menacing stare that would make Gavin shut up.

When Hank heard the familiar Spanish lyrics of an especially infamous song, his patience ran out. With his right hand he yanked Gavin closer by his collar, eyes still on the road.

“If you let this play for one more second you’re flying out through the windshield.”

Gavin tapped the pause button on his phone. Hank relaxed his grip and returned his hand on the steering wheel.

“Thank you.”

Gavin gulped. “N-No more music then.”

“I don’t mind music. I do mind you being an annoying little shit.”

Gavin smirked like it was a compliment.

“Just choose something you actually like.”

Gavin’s fingers tapped on the phone screen eagerly. The two of them sat in silence and listened to a variety of electronic music. It wasn’t Hank’s cup of tea but some of the songs weren’t half bad. When Gavin noticed Hank tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to the rhythm of one of his favorites, he looked away to hide a smile.

–

**12:10 pm**

“ _Guh, I’m suh hunhry,_ ” Gavin stuffed his mouth full of fries.

Hank watched him with a grimace. A small piece of salad fell from the hamburger he held in his hands. “What?”

“I said,” he gulped, “I was hungry.” He took an enormous bite of his triple cheeseburger with extra bacon. Red juice dripped down his fingers. He chuckled as he chewed.

Hank looked down on the meal in his hands. Suddenly, the smell of grilled patty and mayonnaise didn’t seem as appetizing. He sighed when he took another look at Gavin. Fortunately, hunger prevailed.

They sat in a spacious fast food restaurant. Gavin had been going on about food for at least an hour but Hank thought it was too early for lunch then. Finally, they stopped for an unhealthy meal. Not that the part about it being unhealthy would bother either of them. From where they sat, Hank watched the place slowly fill up with people as he chewed.

When they both finished eating, Gavin tapped his palms on the wiggly table. “You want a donut?” he tilted his head towards the counter with a bored cashier behind it.

“We just ate,” Hank said hesitantly.

“I know you love them,” he gave him a wide grin.

“Uh… okay.”

Gavin got up and walked away. Hank waited at the table nervously. Gavin was never this nice. Why did it feel wrong?

Before Gavin sat across him again, he placed a small paper box in front of Hank. That was all.

“Wait, you don’t have one?”

“I just ate.”

The look that Hank gave him would trigger a fight-or-flight response in other, more intelligent, men. Gavin snickered uncontrollably.

“I hate you,” Hank got up but took the box anyway.

Gavin scurried behind him on their way to the car. “Come on, Hank.”

“Screw you.”

Gavin couldn’t stop laughing. “They make really good ones here though.”

“Just get lost.”

“No, I mean it!”

“Go away and never come back.”

But Gavin didn’t. Hank never put the real meaning into those words. When they got back in the car, Hank wanted to throw the donut into Gavin’s face. And he wanted him to laugh again like he did five minutes ago. When he realized what he was thinking about, he took a bite instead.

–

**1:00 pm**

_Criminal profiling._

Gavin fingered the small brochure he had gotten yesterday. “So, this training Fowler sent us to… didn’t we learn this in the academy?”

“Not really. Just some basic stuff but this is supposed to be extra.”

Gavin opened the folded paper. It was full of fancy graphics, bullet points and illustrative photos. “This whole thing reads like a Jehovah’s Witnesses’ leaflet.”

Hank chuckled. “You need good marketing for everything these days. You know, people won’t do shit unless you convince them of all the benefits.”

“Huh,” Gavin kept turning the paper in his hands disbelievingly.

“Like you.”

Gavin stuffed the brochure back into his pocket and crossed his arms over his chest. Hank noticed it was a pose he assumed pretty often. It meant exactly what every body-language analysis would say. But Hank could see there was another layer sometimes.

“Something troubling you?”

Gavin waited before he responded. “No.”

Hank spotted the obvious lie but it was okay. They weren’t at that point yet in their slowly mending relationship and that was completely okay. He reminded himself what happened the last two times he struck a personal note. _Don’t pry._

After a while, Gavin settled into a more relaxed position. The car hummed monotonously on the highway. Even though they had music playing, Hank felt the tense silence. He considered starting a conversation. _But no small talk,_ he reminded himself.

“Why did you become a cop?”

The question caught Gavin off guard. It wasn’t very different from what he was thinking about a little while ago. “What?”

“I’ve known you for so long but I never asked.”

Gavin sighed as he tried to find the answer. “I don’t know. I was never good at anything. So I thought the least I could do was make myself useful.”

“There’s a lot of jobs that are useful. Well, most of them, really. Why the police?”

Gavin groaned, lifting his head to stare at the padded ceiling. “ _I don’t know,_ ” he closed his eyes. Hank let him think. When Gavin opened his eyes again, he looked at Hank. “I always admired policemen. Kids always love them. But as you grow up you realize how much bullshit is going on in the police force. Corruption, discrimination, abuse of power and who knows what else. People call us _pigs,_ for crying out loud. I guess I didn’t grow up. I was naive. Maybe I thought becoming a cop would make me something other than worthless. And now I’m a _pig._ ”

The silence hung heavy in the air for a whole mile.

“You’re not a _pig,_ Gavin. You’re a detective.”

“That’s what I thought I would be when I met you.”

Hank didn’t know what to say. “W-what do you mean?”

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” Gavin snickered. “I admired you so much. Everybody did. I thought it was possible to be like you one day. But I was stupid. You’re too good. And somewhere along the way, I lost my drive.” Hank suspected when that was. “That was it. Now I can’t find anything to give a shit about.”

Despite Gavin’s despairing words, Hank smiled. “I’m sure you will.”

“Really, huh?”

Hank’s smile faltered. Not because of Gavin’s doubts, but because he himself had none. Hank’s realization of what their relationship meant was slow and that made the emerging feelings that much scarier. He forced himself to broaden his smile. “Yeah.”

If Gavin noticed the insincerity in Hank’s expression, he didn’t let on.

–

**2:15 pm**

They were late.

When Hank opened one of the double doors to the hotel’s conference room, all heads turned to them. On the other side of the room, behind eight rows of condescending looks, stood a young woman in a fitted suit.

“Erm, sorry we’re late,” Hank said. Gavin’s head peeked from behind him comically. Hank continued with an awkward chuckle: “The traffic was crazy.”

The traffic wasn’t crazy. What was crazy was Gavin insisting on one last stop which took them thirty minutes. Hank had wanted to slap him the whole walk through the hotel’s corridors to where the training took place. Gavin had only rolled his eyes.

The woman looked at Hank with a surprisingly warm smile. Light from an old projector in the middle of the room gleamed in her glasses. “That’s okay. Take a seat.”

The two started their walk of shame as she resumed the speech they had interrupted. The sitting men in the room turned their heads back to the lecturer but Hank could still feel their quiet judgement. The last two free seats were at the front row. _Of course._ Hank walked quietly past the projector in the aisle. Gavin scuttled behind him after closing the door. They both sat down on the padded chairs. Hank politely nodded to the man sitting next to him. He returned the greeting awkwardly.

“First row. Lucky us,” Gavin whispered into Hank’s ear.

Hank jabbed his elbow into Gavin angrily. The detective yelped. The lecturer turned her attention to the duo. They both smiled sweetly, Gavin holding his side. She continued speaking with a flustered smile.

Hank was still too jumpy to start paying attention to the lecture. He looked around as inconspicuously as he could. The chairs were mostly occupied by men in shirts or suits with short hair and serious looks on their faces. The room he and Gavin were sitting in was full of either feds or overzealous detectives. The man Hank had wordlessly greeted a minute ago was even taking notes. Gavin noticed it as well. He caught Hank’s look and rolled his eyes. Hank frowned. Gavin sighed and turned back to the woman in front of them and the projected presentation behind her. Hank’s look lingered on Gavin’s face. When Gavin turned his head, Hank looked away quickly, failing not to get caught. Hank ignored Gavin’s smug smile and finally started paying attention to their training.

–

**8:02 pm**

Hank swore he would drop dead on the floor in a few minutes. With Gavin by his side, he exited the conference room among the sea of either feds or overzealous detectives. Gavin bumped into him but Hank didn’t notice. He was too old to sit for such a long period of time, even with two short breaks. Not to say actively pay attention to a lecture. If he asked Gavin, he would tell him sitting for so long would wreck anyone. He didn’t pay attention to Gavin stretching his limbs as they walked to Hank’s car to get their things. When they got back inside, he slipped his hand into his pocket to check he still had the keycard he had received during the check in they had to do before setting off to arrive late to the training.

“Hey, Hank,” Gavin slapped Hank’s arm with the back of his hand. It was one of the five thousand quirks which constantly reminded Hank how annoying Gavin was.

“Hm?”

Gavin noticed Hank being dead tired but he asked anyway. “I saw this hotel has a pretty fancy bar. Wanna check it out and have a drink or two?”

Hank eyed Gavin’s scar before replying. “Sorry, Gavin, after the long drive and all, I’m just too tired.” Too tired to socialize. Too tired for whatever confusing emotions socializing with Gavin would bring.

“Makes sense.”

Hank walked past Gavin and headed for the elevators.

“Yeah, well,” Gavin caught up to him, “I’m not gonna sit there all alone. Getting some rest sounds nice actually.”

They quietly rode the elevator to their floor together. They quietly walked though the carpeted hallway together. They quietly stopped at a door with the number 53 on it together. Hank took the keycard out of his pocket. Gavin was still standing close beside him. Hank looked at him questioningly.

“Right,” Gavin took a few steps to the door right next to Hank’s and fished out his own keycard with the number 54 on it. “Good night.”

“’Night.”

The locks beeped in unison.

–

**9:45 pm**

“Tiring.”

“I see. But beneficial as well, I presume?”

“Yeah, yeah…” Hank ran a hand through his hair, still wet from the shower. The other held his phone close to his ear. He sat on the edge of a neatly made bed. “If I can keep all of it in my memory, that is.”

“I’m sure that won’t be a problem.” Hank could practically hear Connor’s teasing smile. “After all, you didn’t become the youngest lieutenant in Detroit history for nothing.”

_Everybody always keeps bringing that up._ Hank sighed as his back hit the bed. “Oh, please…”

Connor stayed quiet. It was clear that he had something else to ask.

“Spit it out. You wanna ask about _him._ ”

“You haven’t been very willing to update me on the development of your relationship.”

Hank grunted.

“I understand the task I proposed--”

“ _Proposed?_ You practically ordered me.”

“I…did no such thing, Hank.”

“I know you’re better at using all the layers of _human communication_ than you let on.”

Connor paused. “Well, how is it going?”

“I don’t know,” he lied.

“Hank.”

“Argh, it’s going well, okay? Jesus,” he sat back up. “What do you want me to say?”

“I’m sorry.”

Hank sighed. He couldn’t stand Connor saying those words. He didn’t want to hurt him in the slightest way possible. Connor didn’t deserve it.

“Look, I’ll talk to you when I get back. It’s just that being stuck on a trip with _Gavin_ is a little…”

“I understand.”

Hank could hear him smiling again. If he knew it was Connor who got him stuck on this trip in the first place, he would wipe that smile off Connor’s face, Hank’s wishes not to hurt him be damned.

A few days ago, captain Fowler got a call. It was from somebody who didn’t work at his station but still liked to butt in. Fowler was set on hanging up when he heard a proposal that was too attractive to say no to. “What if the bickering stopped?” Connor knew the bickering would never stop. It was in Gavin’s nature. But Fowler didn’t need to know that.

Connor could tell Hank was making progress. It was clear from the way he avoided talking to Connor about it. But he still needed them to spend more time together. And soon, Hank would have another person to call a friend. Or anything else he would want to call him.

“Okay, well, thanks for calling. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Hank.”

“Thanks. Bye.” Hank hung up and put his phone on the bedside table.

_Knock knock knock._

Hank grunted and walked through the small hotel room to the door. Whoever it was had perfect timing. But he suspected he knew who was knocking.

He saw a familiar face when he opened the door. The face immediately grew a few shades redder.

“Oh, if this is an inappropriate time--”

“I’m wearing more than just the bathrobe, Gavin,” Hank sighed.

“Of course.”

“What do you want?”

“Well, I, uh…” Gavin was scrambling for words.

“Yeah?”

“Eh,” Gavin’s tongue knotted even more.

Hank leaned on the door frame and closer to Gavin. “I don’t bite,” he grinned despite himself.

“I was just really bored. I know you want to go to sleep but I was just wondering if you would maybe…” he shrugged, “…want to watch TV together or something?”

Hank froze. There was only one thing that could be worse than having that drink with Gavin and this was even a million times worse. He wanted to say no. The word was already rolling off his tongue but he stopped when he looked at Gavin’s face.

He couldn’t put his finger on it. There was a feeling in Gavin’s expression that Hank wanted to comply with. It would take Hank days to realize that what he saw was innocent want.

“Sure,” the words left Hank’s mouth like he was in a dream.

Gavin smiled. Seeing it was as pleasant for Hank as scratching an itch. He stepped aside to let him in.

–

**11:55 pm**

_Ratatata_

“Shit,” Hank hissed and his eyes flew open. He saw some douchebag on TV mowing down a group of policemen. He didn’t remember watching that movie. Did he fall asleep?

He picked up the remote from his lap and turned it off. He scratched his bearded chin.

_Oh, right…_

Gavin was lying on the narrow bed beside him. His eyes were closed and his mouth slightly open. One of his legs was falling off the side of the bed.

Hank suppressed the need to immediately wake him up. He watched his chest rise and fall. He listened to the soft sound of his breathing. Gavin was so quiet. Peaceful. Hank had never seen him do anything that would even remotely evoke that word.

When was the last time he woke up next to somebody? Of course this wasn’t the same as waking up on a warm Sunday morning in a king size bed next to the person he had thought he would spend the rest of his life with. But it brought a similar feeling. When somebody was sleeping next to him, it was as if the whole world got a lot calmer.

Suddenly, a small whine left Gavin’s lips and he started rolling to his side towards Hank. He was getting a little too close. Hank was frightened of what Gavin would instinctively do once he bumped into him. He slapped him awake harder than would be appropriate.

Gavin jerked. “Oh, fuck!” he jolted into a sitting position. He blinked a few times as if it would help him regain memory quicker. He realized where he was and flushed. “That movie was shit, huh?”

“Yeah,” Hank sighed with relief.

Gavin rubbed his eyes. “What time is it?” he grunted.

“Almost midnight.”

“Shit,” Gavin whispered. “I better go. The… thing starts early tomorrow.” He turned around on the bed and Hank finally saw into his face. Gavin’s eyelids fell and he sighed. For that one second he looked as peaceful as before. “Do we really have to go to that boring lecture?”

_Welcome back, Gavin._ Hank gave him a half reprimanding, half sympathetic look.

“Yeah, yeah,” Gavin got up slowly. “And hey, next time it’s _me_ who chooses the movie. That was terrible.”

“Not like I had a lot to choose from.”

“Right,” he snickered. “Good night, _lieutenant_ ,” he turned around as he walked to the door.

“Good night,” Hank responded.

The last thing he heard was the click of the door closing.

–

**Friday**

**11:03 am**

“You’ve been pretty quiet today.”

“Oh, you know,” Gavin took a bite of a cinnamon roll, “just trying to be a good little detective and pay attention to the lecture.”

“Hm.” Hank looked at the small buffet. He was hungry but didn’t have an appetite. He didn’t sleep well. For the bigger part of the night, random thoughts kept him awake. Well, most of the thoughts were about Gavin. But _random_ sounded better.

“You’re not gonna eat anything? At all?” Gavin gestured to the table full of half eaten plates.

They were standing at the edge of the conference room along with most of the either feds or overzealous detectives. Their short break would end in a few minutes.

“No, I don’t want to.”

“We’ve been here since seven and you haven’t touched anything.”

“Had a big breakfast,” he lied.

“You’re fit to drive after it’s over, right?” Gavin lifted his eyebrows as he stuffed the last piece of the cinnamon roll into his mouth.

“What? Why?” Hank’s nerves were on edge the whole morning. He was almost looking for something to give him that last push so he could blow off some steam.

“Well, you know, I’m gonna be in the car with you and I don’t wanna end up as a glaze on a tree because you fell asleep behind the wheel.”

“You got some nerve, Reed. I’ve been driving since before you were _born._ And you’re really lucky I took you along.”

Hank’s suddenly hostile tone caught Gavin off guard. “I just…” he let out a deep breath and put his hands on his hips. It wasn’t a pose that would be typical for him. Hank thought it was more of a thing that…

Hank let his own hands fall from his hips.

“I’m sorry,” Gavin said.

Hank never thought it would be possible to hear an apology from Gavin Reed this quickly. It made him feel foolish for wanting to take his frustration out on him. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just a little high strung.”

Gavin offered him a surprisingly compassionate smile. “Just two more hours and we’re going home.”

“It’s not that it wouldn’t be interesting, I’m just really not…”

“I understand.”

The lecturer called from the other side of the room for all participants to take their seats. Gavin started walking to their chairs without another word. Hank watched him.

Was _he_ just now trying to make excuses _to Gavin_? Despite Gavin’s typical rudeness, Hank was always the one who had the upper hand. It was just this one moment when any dominance seemed to wear off. But Hank supposed it would make a difference. Was Gavin getting stronger or was he getting softer?

The lecturer started talking. She wasn’t wasting any time. Hank put his thoughts aside and rushed to take a seat next to Gavin.

–

**1:30 pm**

“Okay, I give up. What’s so great?” Hank asked after a long silence.

Gavin stopped whistling when he finished walking to the other side of the car. He crossed his hands and rested them on the car’s roof. “What, we’re going home. There’s a road trip ahead of us. And it’s just _you and me_.”

“Yeah, har har.”

Gavin chuckled and got in the car. Hank finished putting his things in the trunk and followed suit.

Not long after they set off, Gavin asked the obvious question. “So, what happened that made you so cranky? Or, well, crankier than usual?”

Hank was quiet. Gavin let him find an answer.

“Nothing much, just couldn’t sleep,” he decided to be half honest.

“Yeah, I know that feeling. Really well.”

“You have trouble sleeping?”

“I used to. It’s better now. The problem sometimes comes back. But not yesterday, thank God. I slept like the dead.”

Hank found it unfair that their evening put Gavin at such ease while he himself suffered. “So, what helped?”

“ _Not thinking_ ,” he gave Hank an overly meaningful look.

“What does that mean?”

“Just fuck it. Thinking can wait, sleeping can’t. Priorities.”

Hank wasn’t buying it. “Easier said than done.”

“Assuming it really was thinking that kept you awake, you just have to find a way to put your mind at ease. There’s a different way to do that for everyone,” he paused. “But because I never noticed you having trouble before, maybe it’s not sleeping that’s the problem. Maybe you just need to have some stuff figured out.”

“Suddenly a psychologist, huh?” Hank quipped to brace himself against the surprisingly accurate truth Gavin spoke.

“Learned all about the human mind these past two days. Haven’t you been paying attention?” Gavin joked to obviously lighten Hank’s mood. “Come on, I’ll put on some music.”

“ _Good_ music,” Hank was quick to specify.

“Good music.”

–

**3:00 pm**

_Chocolate, almond, caramel… peanuts?_

Hank was looking over a rack with snacks. His carpool partner was paying a visit to the bathroom. The gas station was almost empty. Hank already stopped wondering what was taking Gavin so long. Instead, he decided on an act of courtesy. After all, Gavin did buy him the donut yesterday. He felt he should return the favor. Only he had no idea what Gavin liked. And if he ever had, he couldn’t remember.

He was running out of time. _Shit. Chocolate bar with peanuts, I guess._

He just finished taking change from the cashier when Gavin appeared behind him.

“Okay, let’s go,” he chimed.

“Yeah,” Hank turned and they both walked through the shop. He held out his hand with a nervous smile. “I got you something.”

Gavin took the offered snack happily. “Hey, thanks.”

_See? There was no need to worry. No proble--_

“Dude, I hate peanuts,” Gavin whispered. The sliding door beeped.

“What?”

“I hate peanuts,” Gavin said. “They’re gross.”

Hank kept walking. Was this another one of his games?

“Ugh, who even eats peanuts. It’s the worst kind. Why would you even buy that?”

No, Gavin was just digging himself into a hole. Hank pressed his lips into a thin line.

“Almonds would be okay but… Wasn’t there anything else you could get?”

Finally, Hank stopped. “Wow, you really _are_ an asshole, huh?”

Gavin stood and looked form the snack in his hand to Hank. He opened his mouth but didn’t respond.

Hank sighed and continued walking.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Gavin rushed to catch up.

So quick to apologize again. “Yeah, screw you.”

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Oh, really? And how did you mean it then? Because all it sounded like to me was that you’re an ungrateful prick.”

Gavin groaned because he had nothing to contradict that.

Hank slammed the car door closed behind himself without giving Gavin a second look.

“Come on,” Gavin muttered under his breath when he trotted around the car. He got in hastily. “I appreciate the gesture, really.”

Hank rolled his eyes and just turned the key in the ignition.

“And you know what?” Gavin fiddled with the snack’s wrapping. “I’ll eat it.”

“Jesus Christ, Gavin, don’t eat it. I’m not forcing you.”

“I will!”

Hank snatched the chocolate bar out of Gavin’s hand just as it was on its way to his open mouth. He threw it on the back seat. “Let’s just go home,” he pulled out of the parking spot.

Gavin sat slumped in his seat. He had never felt so stupid in his life. “Yeah.”

–

**5:30 pm**

They sat in silence for hours.

Gavin interrupted it when he fiddled with the radio. He didn’t feel like putting on his playlist so he just tuned to the first radio station he found. He left the volume low. He didn’t turn it up even after the music was drowned out by rain tapping on the windshield. It felt better like that anyway.

Hank was forcing himself not to feel bad for their fight. It wasn’t his fault after all. Was it?

He saw Gavin just looking out the window grimly ever since. At first, the silence was uncomfortable but as they both kept quiet, he got used to the status quo. And the last thing he expected was Gavin asking:

“Hank, do you like me?”

He was so taken aback that had the car in front of him started to brake, he would absentmindedly ram it in its rear in full speed.

“What are you talking about? Of course I do.” Hank understood all the petty bullshit had to give way. He had never seen Gavin be so passive, let alone for this long.

“Why?”

It wasn’t until now that Hank noticed that Gavin arms were crossed over his chest.

“Oh, Gavin… Yeah, you can be an asshole sometimes but I know you don’t really mean it. You just can’t help it, can you? Some people don’t talk, some people are too loud, some people can’t stop being sarcastic, and, well, some people get a little annoying. You’re a fun guy. And I know that deep inside you’re a nice guy too.”

Hank watched Gavin out the corner of his eye. He didn’t move, eyes still fixed on the dashboard.

_Wow, great job lifting him up. Very touching, Anderson._

Hank knew nobody would like a person if it was truly based on what he just said. And nobody else would buy that crap either. Gavin’s direct approach clearly said that he was looking for sincerity. Could Hank be honest with Gavin if he wasn’t honest with himself?

He had to chase what was running around his mind for days, maybe weeks. He had to discover what it really was that made him want to reconnect with Gavin because Connor’s order sure wasn’t enough. Why did he want to be on good terms with him again when all Gavin offered him then was meanness? Why did he want to talk to him when he thought there was nothing but mutual hatred left?

Why was Gavin special?

“Because you think I’m so much better.”

Gavin’s eyes widened.

“Because you always looked at me that way. Every time we talked, every time we used to have lunch together, do you remember that? I don’t know what happened that screwed it all up but I miss it. I guess that’s why I wanted to get back in touch. Because you have a way of making me feel like I am what you think I am. When you were younger, it was like I was your hero. And, hell, I thought I really was one. But when my son… God, I must have let you down so hard. You hated me. And I hated myself. I suppose when Connor came and practically slapped me out of that, I thought I could make things right again. When we won that match of laser game last week, you didn’t have that sad look on your face like the past years. No, you…”

He didn’t know how to continue. He didn’t know what Gavin’s feelings all meant. He had been running from them because he was sure they were something he didn’t want. Were they strong or weak, were they simple or complicated, were they platonic or romantic, he was scared of them. And he’d rather run.

But for this one moment he looked the devil in the eye. “Of course I like you, Gavin,” he said and he meant every word.

After that, all bravery left him again. He forced himself to believe Gavin wasn’t fighting back tears next to him. There was no way Gavin would shed tears for the sorry old man he had become.

He watched the periodic motion of the windscreen wipers. _No. It’_ _s_ _just the rain_ _drops_ _on the window making a funny light._

–

**9:30 pm**

_Back at the beginning._ Hank was lucky to find the last free space on the parking lot in front of Gavin’s apartment building.

He let the engine on. He knew cutting off the steady hum would wake Gavin up. He fell asleep half an hour ago. The old jazz album Hank had put on the radio a while before that was still playing. It was as if it had put him to sleep.

Just like yesterday evening, Gavin looked peaceful. And the world outside was calm.

It were moments like these when Hank realized how strange another person’s presence was. Gavin wasn’t doing anything, he wasn’t saying anything, he was just there. And that was when the unspoken part of a relationship was most noticeable. The many years of knowing a person, all the things they had gone through summed up into a feeling.

Hank felt warm.

He turned the key in the ignition and the car quieted. After a few seconds Gavin moved. He opened his eyes with a soft grunt and stretched his arms in his lap.

“We’re here,” Hank said in a mellow tone one would use when waking up a child.

“Yeah, I see. Thanks for the lift,” he turned to Hank as he rubbed the back of his neck with a smile.

“Don’t mention it.”

Hank got out first. He stuck his key into the lock on the trunk and opened it. Gavin was already next to him and grabbed his small duffel bag.

“Okay then,” Hank slammed the trunk shut and the car swayed. “I’ll see you around the station.” He walked back to the door and didn’t even notice Gavin didn’t give him a response. His hand was already on the door handle when Gavin called from the other side of the car.

“Hey, Hank, uh..” he hesitated.

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s pretty late but tomorrow’s Saturday anyway and I thought if you have nothing to do… Do you wanna watch a movie together?”

Hank raised his eyebrows.

“I have this huge TV, you’ll be _impressed_. I know I said yesterday that I’d choose the movie this time but I have a great one that I think you’ll totally dig.”

Gavin was trying not to sound desperate but Hank heard the hidden excitement in his voice. Other than going home and reporting to Connor, Hank really didn’t have anything to do. A few days ago, he would have immediately found an excuse. But now, spending time with Gavin didn’t sound as painful as it used to.

He remembered what he said in the car a few hours ago. And how scared he was to admit it.Frankly, he was doing a horrible job at trying to avoid coming into contact with Gavin’s feelings. All he had been doing was just bringing him closer. It was what he wanted from the start after all. But he was quick to get second thoughts. It was Gavin’s embarrassing confession about how he got his scar that made him scared. He didn’t want to feel responsible for Gavin that way.

But was there anything bad about how good Gavin could make him feel? About how they could make each other feel? Was this sort of relationship something Connor was hinting at when he was trying to convince Hank to get back together with Gavin? Hank decided that, despite the alarms sounding off in his mind, their relationship was something worth exploring.

He scratched his cheek and held back a smile. “ _Totally dig?_ Somebody still says that?”

Gavin frowned but he was grinning. “Yeah, like you’d know what people still say or don’t say, _old man_.”

Hank laughed. “Okay.” He turned the key in the door’s lock and the car clicked. “Let’s see how _impressive_ your TV is.”

“Oh ho, the resolution is so good you’ll see every pore on the actors’ faces.”

“That’s gross, man…”

Their loud chatter resonated in the street as they crossed the sidewalk on their way inside. When they were gone, the world grew calm again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bruh, each chapter is longer than the previous one.   
> This one took a long time because I prioritized doing other stuff during my evenings. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> I'll see you hopefully soon with the next one :)


	5. Yours Truly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It ends where it all started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The outline originally had six chapters but I decided to merge the last two into one. Don't worry, I didn't cut anything, just a change in arrangement.

“Good evening, lieutenant. I didn’t know you were coming.”

“Ah, yes, if I had known, sir…”

“’Evening, sir!”

So many familiar faces in a setting that wasn’t the station was a situation that was bound to get uncomfortable. “Jeez, stop that ‘ _sir’_ stuff, none of us is on duty here anyway,” Hank grumbled when he closed the door behind him. The warmth inside was pleasant. It was dark and crowded. Each of the tables and booths were illuminated by its own small light. The bar to his right shone like an oasis in the desert of people.

“Oh, sorry, si-- Erm…”

“It was nice seeing you, have a nice evening!”

The small group finally gave him peace. He slipped his hand into the deep pocket of his coat just like the hundred other times he did it on his way here. The thin rectangle pack was still there. A birthday gift for the man whose doing this party was.

“Hank!” a loud voice shouted from halfway across the establishment. A few heads turned its way, including Hank’s. “You came! I mean, I know I invited you but still…”

Even in the dim lighting, Hank recognized Gavin making his way through the crowd towards him.

“H-hey, Gavin. Happy birth--”

“Let me take your coat,” Gavin slid behind Hank before he could finish. He slipped the coat off Hank’s shoulders and hung it on a nearby rack that was already covered with countless other coats. Before Hank realized, the gift he brought for Gavin was out of his reach. Maybe it was better this way, he thought.

“Oh, _hello_ ,” Gavin said when they were standing face to face again. He carefully looked Hank over from head to toe. “You look great. I didn’t know you owned a shirt that has only _one_ color.”

Hank was ashamed to blush as much as he did. Even for Gavin, the behavior was very straightforward. Hank noticed his relaxed voice and posture. Gavin had already had a drink or two. Or five.

“W-well, I--”

“Waaait a minute,” Gavin’s eyes narrowed. He leaned forward to get a closer look at Hank’s shirt. Then he looked at his own. “Wait a minute!”

Before Hank could say anything again, Gavin jumped behind him and tugged at his collar. He turned it over to look at the clothes tag. He had to balance on the tips of his feet.

“This is the exact same shirt I’m wearing _right now!”_

Hank sighed. Could this get any more embarrassing?

Still pulling at his shirt, Gavin whispered, “Oh, and what a _size_ , big guy…”

Hank turned around frantically. Gavin fell back on his heels. He lifted his hands and looked into Hank’s fuming face without a hint of fear. “Hey, I’m not judging. You’re just tall,” he shrugged. “And, you know, the more of you, the better,” he chuckled.

It must have been decades since somebody left Hank this speechless.

“Okay, I’ll be over there if you want me,” he waved his finger. “Don’t come without a drink,” he winked and disappeared back into the crowd.

Hank looked around before he finally breathed out, “ _Fuck._ ”

–

He didn’t remember Ben Collins being this boring. Ben was a veteran police officer Hank had known and worked with for a long time but it was never more than just work. And now he knew why. As mean as it might be to Ben next to him, Hank was not enjoying this party.

The main reason was that he didn’t know anyone here. He recognized most of the people as officers he had often seen around the station. A few detectives even. But nobody he could really talk to as one human being to another. They would all express the respect they were supposed to show for him but it made any conversation just too unnatural.

Except for Ben. And so he was stuck with him.

Hank didn’t know why he didn’t leave an hour ago. There was something about being at a party like this that made you stay, even if you had nothing to do. Something forced you to leave or you stayed to the end. You stayed because you were already there. It was like some sort of inertia.

There he sat. He felt like he would never get out of this place. Because he didn’t have to.

All he wanted was to talk to Gavin. But he was always in the middle of a tight group of peers Hank supposed were his friends. Hank was too old to just come up to them and try to get his foot in the door.

And where were all these friends coming from anyway? He remembered that when Gavin was still an officer, everybody avoided him. Were all these officers here now because he suddenly became popular or were they here to just kiss detective Reed’s ass?

The man next to him started talking about his wife.

And why was _Ben_ here? Hank had never seen Gavin spare him a single look. Did Gavin just invite the whole precinct? Was Fowler going to come through the door next?

Ben’s speech was suddenly full of _um_ and _erm_. Hank thought he should start paying attention again. It sounded serious.

“…and I feel bad just laying it all on you like this, Hank. Sorry, it’s just that I’m scared. I think she wants to leave me.”

“Oh.”

“Y-you’re divorced, right?”

“Hm.”

“Were… Were you able to tell? What did she say?”

“I don’t know. I was too drunk to understand her.”

Hank was sure Ben wouldn’t be able to say a word for the rest of the century. But he only lasted ten minutes.

“S-sorry,” the white haired officer whispered.

“I don’t talk about that stuff often, Ben.”

“Sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry, for Christ’s sake. It’s my fault. Why don’t we just talk about something else?”

“Sor-- Sure. I’m… just… gonna get myself a drink.”

Ben left the table with a glass half full of beer. Hank knew he wasn’t coming back. He scared him off. No, drove him off. He couldn’t find a specific reason why he did it, he just did. And now he was alone again. Was this what it was like being Gavin?

_God, we really deserve each other, don’t we?_

–

The party was at its end.

Hank spent most of it trying not to look too out of place. Even as the last of the people were leaving, he was still sitting in the same booth as the last few hours and stared into his drink. He didn’t remember how much he drank but he could feel the liquor making his mind slow and his emotions hot. He had given up on finding a moment of peace to give Gavin his gift. He felt too embarrassed about it anyway. It was two thirty am. Maybe it was finally time to leave.

Gain slumped on the cushioned bench beside him. “Hey.” He was drunk.

“Gavin.”

“Where were you the whole night?”

“Right here, dumbass.”

Gavin chuckled. “I could have used you, man. This party… sucked ass.”

“What are you talking about? There were so many people.”

“Yeah, they don’t give a shit.”

Hank wanted to ask why but halfway through forming the single word he gave up and just whined. He propped his back against the leather sofa like Gavin did. He wasn’t sure he cared about anything anymore tonight.

“This whole thing was just… fake,” Gavin continued.

The one ting Hank still could do was listen to him. He would always listen to Gavin. Even if it was hurtful, even if it was something he didn’t want to hear, the words always stayed with him.

“I don’t know why I’m even trying anymore. You know, pretending like I have--” Gavin held back a burp, “friends?”

Hank recognized what specific state of drunkenness Gavin was in. The one where he was depressively honest with himself. Hank knew that state too well.

“I invite all these people. And I think that makes it good, you know?” Gavin grimaced. “Like the more people there are, the more chances there are that I will find someone who does give a crap. But that’s just… bullshit,” he drawled.

Hank’s own feeling of loneliness only deepened with Gavin’s words.

“I never made any friends. I don’t think I ever really tried. I’m such a dumbass.”

“Yeah, you are,” Hank whispered.

“Fuck you, Hank.”

“Hmm,” he smiled.

Neither of them was looking at the other. They were staring into space. Two men wearing the same shirts.

“Hehe,” Gavin giggled, “you know what Karen gave me as a gift?”

“Who?”

“Ah, never mind. She gave me a fuckin’… scented candle… or some shit, haha.”

Hank smothered a laugh. “She probably means well.”

“ _Probably_ ,” Gavin wheezed between laughing.

Hank jabbed him with his elbow although he was laughing himself. Their merriness died down with a sigh.

“Hey, did _you_ get me somethi--”

“No.”

Gavin paused. “Oh.”

“Are you… disappointed?”

“No, I’m just…” Gavin’s somberness was suddenly back. “I’m so alone.”

Hank felt as if his chest tightened up. He knew Gavin’s hurt. He had felt it so many times before and he felt it now. In a strange way, they shared it. Hank finally realized the deeper connection they had. The reason behind it all. The reason he didn’t drive Gavin away even though he was an annoying, insensitive, idiotic and sometimes just an all around unpleasant person. The reason Gavin didn’t write his feelings for Hank off as a brief infatuation with the perfect image he had in his head. It was something they didn’t need to say. It would make its way into their relationship without them even needing to understand.

They were fools. They screwed up their lives in one way or another. And they deserved each other. In all the good ways.

Gavin moved. Hank felt it as their shoulders brushed together.

“Is it weird that I don’t feel that way only when I’m… with you?”

Hank didn’t respond. For a while, Gavin just stared up at him.

“What you’ve been doing lately,” Gavin gulped, “I really appreciate it, you know? You’re honest with me. You give me shit for everything. And it’s what I deserve.” He leaned closer. Hank still kept his eyes straight. “But you’re also so, _so_ fuckin’ nice to me. And that’s what I _want_.”

When Hank still kept quiet, Gavin turned his head back forward too.

“I’m just selfish, huh?” Gavin whispered.

Hank smiled faintly. “Maybe. But that’s what I want too.” Hank finally turned his head and looked at him. Gavin smiled back. They were so close Hank could feel Gavin exhale.

“Take me home, Hank.”

“What?” Hank’s voice cracked.

“I blew all my money on booze. My card’s empty and I don’t have enough for a cab. I’ll owe you. Please?”

Hank turned away and laughed. “You idiot. Let’s get out of here.”

–

Gavin could walk. Barely. Every now and then on their way through the halls of Gavin’s apartment building he would stumble, Hank would hold out his hands as if to catch him and they would both try not to make too much noise laughing.

They finally arrived to Gavin’s doors. He brushed past Hank and fished out his keys from his pocket. Hank just stood behind him and waited for the rattling of the keys to stop and the clicks of the lock to start. But the rattling continued.

“I forgot which key.”

“What?”

“I’m just kidding,” Gavin laughed and opened the door.

Hank shoved him inside with a grin and leaned on the door frame.

Gavin made a few steps before he turned around. “You coming in?”

“No,” Hank chuckled, “no, I gotta go home. It’s late. Really late. You know we have work tomorrow, right? We should both get some sleep.”

Gavin walked back to the door slowly. He didn’t stop until he was close to Hank. Close enough to be one small movement away from doing the one thing he had been dreaming of since they met. But he only smiled.

“And you should also,” Hank continued, “watch how you spend your money. You better have some savings.” He placed a finger on Gavin’s chest and pushed him back.

“See? That’s exactly what I was talking about. Strict but sweet.” Gavin closed the distance again. “Lectures me about responsibility but takes me home and tucks me into bed.”

“No tucking.”

“Shame.” Gavin’s smile broadened. It teased Hank to follow up on his game. He almost did. But Hank’s mind got stuck on something else instead.

It had been a while since Hank thought about the scar on Gavin’s nose. Its meaning didn’t confuse him as much anymore and he had gotten quite used to seeing it. But now… Was he just drunk or did it look _pretty?_ Did _Gavin_ look pretty?

“Good night, Gavin.” He resisted the urge to plant a kiss on Gavin’s forehead.

“’Night, Hank.”

With one last smile, the lieutenant walked away. The door to the detective’s apartment didn’t close until he turned around the corner.

–

Work was a pain. Hank thanked God he didn’t have to go to any crime scenes. He could just hang around the station and try to pull himself together while doing paperwork. He thought that after all he used to put himself through, he would hold his liquor better but something went wrong yesterday and he was left with a painful hangover. Connor scolded him for it when he got home last night of course.

It was noon and Gavin was still nowhere to be seen. Hank could only imagine how sick he must be right now. He knew Gavin wouldn’t want to hear it but the days when his body could recover from a night of drinking with relative ease were long gone. Hank was looking forward to seeing Gavin get in completely wrecked and telling him he’s getting old.

When he finally arrived, he looked the opposite.

Hank was sitting behind his desk and saw Gavin casually walk in on the other side of the bullpen. He looked around curiously and his eyes stopped on Hank. A smile lit up Gavin’s face. Hank’s heart almost stopped. He understood. Gavin had a long and mostly disheartening night. His morning couldn’t have been filled with anything else than trying to cure a horrible hangover. He got to work impossibly late with a thousand things to worry about. But when he saw Hank, everything seemed okay. He smiled. And he looked absolutely _gorgeous_. Hank knew there was only one kind of emotion that could make anybody look that way.

Everything made sense. The shyness during Gavin’s younger years. The sympathetic hurt when Hank lost his son. The awkwardness of reaccepting his feelings. The peace he felt when he was around Hank.

Gavin Reed was hopelessly in love with him.

He finally realized the truth that was staring him in the face the whole time. Hank found he couldn’t do anything other than feel painfully happy for him. But he knew the stronger Gavin’s feelings were, the more agonizing it would be if something went wrong. Hank didn’t trust himself to make sure something like that wouldn’t happen.

Meanwhile, Gavin made his way to Hank’s desk. It wasn’t until now that Hank noticed he had two paper cups in his hands. Gavin seated himself on Hank’s table. It felt almost… affectionate. Everything he did now seemed affectionate to Hank. How could he not see it sooner? How could he not see it even last night? Everything Gavin did screamed his emotions.

“Good… _afternoon_ ,” Gavin chuckled. “Fowler’s gonna kill me, huh?”

Hank was still speechless. He smiled at Gavin dumbly.

“Anyway, I stopped at the coffee shop on my way here. I got you something.” He placed one of the paper cups in front of Hank. It had the word “decaf” scribbled on it. “Don’t worry, I remember you don’t really drink it anymore, it’s decaffeinated coffee. Shouldn’t hurt.”

“Thanks.” Hank wrapped his hand around the hot cup.

Gavin waited with anticipation written all over his face. But Hank was too absentminded to notice.

“Can you guess what I got for myself?” He turned the cup in his hand so Hank could see the inscription on it. Hank blinked to get back into reality. It read “chai latte”.

“ _Milk?_ ”

Gavin snickered.

“You asshole,” Hank joined him.

“It tastes pretty good though! A bit too sweet for me but…” Gavin took a sip. “Pretty good.” He watched Hank try to relax his posture. “You look tense. You okay?”

“It’s just… hangover, you know,” he lied. “How the hell do you look so fresh?”

“Nah, I feel horrible too,” he leaned in. “I’m just better at hiding it.”

Hank sighed. There was one thing he still had to do. “Speaking of last night, I _d_ _o_ have a gift for you.”

“Oh,” Gavin raised his eyebrows. “I thought you said…”

“So you remember.” Hank fished out the thin packet out of the same coat that was now hanging on the back of his chair. He handed it over to Gavin.

“I remember everything.” Gavin smirked and fumbled with the wrapping. “The two of us. And our stupid matching shir--” He froze when he saw the object in his hands. It was a small white frame and inside was a photograph. It showed him sitting at his desk and Hank standing beside him. Gavin was shrugging and Hank was gently punching him in the shoulder. They were both laughing.

“Connor snapped that photo when he came to visit the station one day. You know, he can do that with just his eyes or something,” Hank explained when he saw Gavin’s surprise.

“I remember that day,” he whispered. “I told you that joke about the android nun. You hated it.” He spoke like he was in a dream. Hank could tell he was somewhere far away in his mind.

Gavin was in awe of the sincerity of the photo. It was a snapshot taken at the prefect moment. Their expressions in it were genuine and warm. The fondness they had for each other in it was as clear as day.

It brought him to where it all started. All those years back. He admired Hank ever since he first read about him in the newspaper. Word traveled fast and soon the whole academy was talking about him. After Gavin graduated, he didn’t know he was assigned to his precinct. When the great Hank Anderson stepped into the briefing room to greet the newbies at the station it was a slap in the face. Gavin felt like he was meeting the president of the United States. In his mind, the man was too fabled to be real.

Though it wasn’t until a couple of weeks later that they really _met_. Gavin was running through the station because he forgot the car keys “for the thousandth fucking time that week” as his partner had said. He turned around the corner and literally bumped into Hank.

“Dude--” he started but almost yelped when he looked up and saw who he crashed into. “I-I’m sorry, l-lieutenant!”

But Hank only laughed like it was something that happens to him daily. “No problem, officer.” He opened his mouth to start a quick chat but the younger man was gone. Gavin plainly ran away without thinking about anything else. He returned downstairs to the garage panting and flushed like a tomato.

“Okay, man, let’s go,” the other officer said and put his hand on the car door handle.

Gavin wheezed, “Shit, I didn’t grab the keys.”

The next day his partner asked the captain for a transfer.

After that, Gavin and the lieutenant’s relationship developed casually and naturally. They were about as familiar as any two random coworkers could be. It wasn’t until Gavin joined the lieutenant during lunch at one of the break room tables that he caught his attention. Gavin didn’t know what led him to do it. He didn’t see a single reason why Anderson would spare one of the regular beat cops a second glance. He expected it to be a quiet lunch.

But the lieutenant started talking. That was just how he was. Gavin had never met a kinder person than him. Gavin never really abode by the concept of authority. He was straightforward and always said what was on his mind. Everyone was human to him and he never understood why he should treat someone differently just because they had a certain social or professional status sticked to their forehead. But Hank was different. Gavin found himself humbled. For the first time, he felt what true respect really was. And for that he admired him very much. Gavin started trying harder at work now that he had found someone he looked up to. He found a goal. He wanted to be a good cop.

Months went by and Gavin tried to seize every opportunity to spend his lunch break with Hank. The lieutenant seemed happy to talk and Gavin was eager to listen. For a long time the one sided nature of their conversations didn’t strike either of them as strange. But despite being seemingly content with this status quo, Hank broke it.

Usually, it wasn’t hard for Gavin to talk about himself. He wasn’t particularly insecure and for the most part he didn’t care about other people’s opinions. But when Hank started asking him personal questions, he suddenly started stuttering. He supposed it was because he finally found himself in a situation where he cared. It mattered what Hank thought of him. And now when Gavin was finally supposed to make a good impression he didn’t know how.

It was a simple question and it still caught Gavin off guard.

“So, anything interesting happening on _your_ side lately?”

Even if there _was_ something interesting, Gavin completely forgot. He didn’t remember his answer to that question and he knew it was probably because he gave none. But he remembered Hank asking. It was the moment their relationship started being a little less one sided. And it was also the moment his emotions started to change.

Gavin’s feelings grew warmer every day. With every next question Hank asked, with every remark he made, the hole Gavin fell into only deepened. He felt wanted. He knew Hank treated everyone this way but the couldn’t help it. What he thought was strictly platonic started to feel romantic. His innocent want to spend time with him picked up undertones of desire. He didn’t think it would happen and never wanted it to. But still, he fell in love.

Gavin would have been glad it happened if there only was any possibility that Hank could reciprocate his feelings.

Hank was married. He had a son and he loved his family. There was one thing Gavin knew for sure and that was that he would never act on his feelings. He could not control how he felt but he could control what he did. He might be a jackass but he would never even think about trying to ruin a man’s life and family this way. Even though he knew that in reality he would only make a fool out of himself.

And so he kept his feelings a closely guarded secret. He knew that if it got out, it could ruin him. With this fear he inadvertently closed himself off from other people. All his relationships were superficial. He was alone and he had only himself to keep him company. The evenings were boring, the nights were long and the mornings were lonely. Every hour he wasn’t with Hank he spent thinking about him. Sometimes, the only way he could find to relieve his painful emotions was to spend an evening with just himself, his hand and his endless imagination. In the end, it never worked. But he kept living that way because he thought it was the way it should be.

He knew he screwed up when he accidentally overheard another officer talk about him as ‘Anderson’s pet’. He knew the logical step was to distance himself from Hank. But he didn’t want to. Little did he know that soon he wouldn’t even have to try.

That morning he arrived late to work and rushed to the changing room. He was busy trying to catch up to his partner but he could feel it. In the way people whispered. In the looks on their faces. Bad news but not for them.

He didn’t think it was important. Then, when he sat behind the wheel of the police cruiser, his partner dropped the bomb on him.

“Have you heard? Lieutenant Anderson lost his son.”

“Lost?” Gavin tried his hardest not to completely zone out while he was driving.

“It was a car crash. Nasty.”

Gavin agreed with a casual hum. He gripped the steering wheel nervously. On the inside, he was all but casual. He had experienced the loss of a loved one before but never anybody that close. He could only imagine what Hank was going through. And it wasn’t pretty.

When Hank got back to work, he looked horrible. The sight hurt Gavin more than it should have. He knew he had to talk to him. He had to at least express condolences. It was the logical thing to do. At that time, when the one good thing in Gavin’s life was falling apart, logic was the only thing he could hope for. And it failed.

“Good afternoon, Hank.” They were on a first-name basis for a few months.

Hank didn’t respond. He only looked at Gavin to acknowledge his presence. From the look on his face, he knew exactly what would come next.

“I, uh, heard what happened,” Gavin went on. “I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“Yeah, well--” Hank couldn’t bring himself to continue. Not again.

Gavin noticed him get uncomfortable. He should have cut it there. He should have walked away. But he wanted to help. And as always, when there was something on his mind, he had to say it. “If you ever need anything…”

“No.” Hank was tired of everyone saying it. Like they could help. Like there was anything at all in the whole wide world that could help. “No, I won’t need you, Gavin,” he said with all the spite that he wished upon the man in front of him.

“Um,” Gavin gulped. Hank’s answer stung him right in the place he was so used to hiding. The only thing he saw in Hank’s eyes before they parted was the wish to be left alone.

Ever since then, it wasn’t easy being around Hank. His life turned into a downward spiral. Gavin could tell he was drinking. He thought he might still help somehow. He stubbornly tried to keep him company. But Hank fought him.

He would choose the empty break room table to eat lunch at when Gavin was already there. After he got tired of Gavin switching tables every time, he started eating at his desk. And even that wasn’t enough because eventually he started eating out.

Gavin didn’t get scared off. Hank threw away the charm and charisma that had such a strong effect on him. To Gavin, Hank became one of the people with a status sticked on their forehead that he could ignore. He stopped being the perfect hero and became human. But that didn’t mean Gavin still didn’t have strong feelings for him. He wanted to salvage whatever parts of the old Hank that still existed. Until he heard the words that he carried around ever since.

“Like I said, I don’t need help, Gavin. I don’t _want_ help. Certainly not from _someone like you_.”

The sentences flew out of Hank’s mouth in an instant but they would stain their relationship for years to come. It wasn’t something he would say without being pushed into a corner by Gavin. It wasn’t something he really wanted to say. It wasn’t true either. But Gavin believed it. And that was all that mattered in the end.

_Someone like you._ Not Gavin particularly. But someone like him. Anyone like him. The side of Hank which Gavin appreciated so much, the side that took genuine interest in someone who was considered way less important, the side that struck up a conversation with an average beat cop turned into a hazy memory. An illusion which was never true.

Without giving it a second thought, without realizing what he had done, without even noticing or remembering it happened, Hank lost him.

The night of that day, Gavin couldn’t find anything more fitting to do than go out and get blackout drunk. He just wanted to forget everything. Forget that he was losing the feelings that fueled him for years. Forget the hurt Hank was feeling because of his departed son. Forget even the promotion he received in his mail a few days ago. Forget that another morning had to come and he had to go to work where he would see Hank, destroyed by the horrible tragedy and only a shadow of the man he used to be.

But when he woke up, he remembered. And when he looked in the mirror and saw the awful gash on his nose, he knew he would always remember.

He arrived to work completely unprepared to take on his new duties as a detective. To his surprise, Hank came to him and asked about the bandaid on his nose. So that was how it was. Now that something happened, that was when he started pretending like he cared.

“Nothing.” Gavin thought he sensed pretense the same way Hank had thought he sensed it when hearing out Gavin’s condolences. “Don’t bother.” He turned his back on the man he thought he had lost all love for.

Until now.

Hank watched Gavin stare at the framed photograph. Nervousness didn’t let him sit anymore so he got up from his swivel chair and took a few steps to stand beside Gavin.

“Do you like it?” he asked in a low voice.

Gavin’s hands with the photo dropped to his lap. “It’s so old fashioned.” He was smiling. “And so _you._ ”

In the last two months Gavin’s feelings came back like a storm. He never expected to feel this way about Hank again. Now that he did, he figured what he had felt for him was never really gone.

He had insulted Hank. He had made malicious fun of him. He had slandered him behind his back. He used to look him in the eyes every day and made sure to remind him of what a failure he had become. Was he just evil? Or was he too scared to admit his hurt? Either way, it didn’t matter what Gavin’s hidden intentions were because the damage was done. He didn’t think their relationship would ever recover from everything he had done to kill it. But Hank proved him wrong.

He reached out to Gavin without any promise of being treated differently than the last two years. It was more than anything Gavin had even thought about doing. He hated himself for it. For being bitter and spiteful when he should have been kind and patient. But just like all those years back, Hank made him feel wanted again. If Gavin didn’t want himself, Hank did. It was all Gavin needed to open his eyes and start treating Hank the way he always should have. Like he deserved all the good Gavin could give. It was still Hank, after all. _People change,_ he thought, _but also people don’t change._

He looked at him. Hank stood in front of him with anticipation. Gavin understood all the feelings he had for him. The infatuation, the hurt, the reconciliation. All the things he saw in him. The kindness, the sadness, the hope. All his flaws he knew and accepted. Gavin wasn’t in love with him. It was something much better.

Gavin moved his thumb along the frame in his hands without letting his eyes off Hank. “I like it.” He smiled and put all that was left of his heart into it. “Thank you.”

Hank smiled back. It was one of the best feelings Gavin had the pleasure of knowing. He didn’t realize how long he was quiet until Hank whispered, “Are _you_ gonna or do _I_ have to?”

Gavin was on the verge of asking “What?” when Hank pulled him in for a hug and squeezed all air out of him. Gavin wiggled to free his arms from between them. He wrapped them around Hank’s back. One of his hands was still holding the framed photo. Hank was bigger than Gavin in every way. His embrace was warm and reassuring. Gavin smiled and blinked away tears. Hank’s hand slid up Gavin’s shoulder and caressed the back of his head. He felt Hank’s nose brush against his ear. “I’m glad you like it,” his deep voice reached all the way to Gavin’s heart. To Gavin’s reluctance, Hank pulled him away by his shoulders and smiled with a hum. Gavin was completely stunned. If this was what it was like being dear to Hank, he never wanted to be anything less to him.

“Okay,” Hank resumed when his arms fell back to his sides. “We should get back to work.” He flustered when he saw Gavin still staring at him with furious affection. “Erm…”

Gavin blinked. “Right… You’re right. Fowler’s gonna have my balls once he sees me. Better play nice, huh?” He laughed awkwardly. He lifted the photo to his chest. “Thanks again,” he added in a low voice and walked away to his desk before he could do something to screw the moment up again.

Hank let out a deep breath and walked back to his chair slowly. He sat down. Across the room, he saw Gavin place the framed photo next to his desk terminal carefully. He caught Hank’s look and smiled briefly before he turned to the computer.

Hank watched him work. Every now and then, Gavin’s eyes would linger on the prized photo. Then he would return to typing with a small smile.

Hank turned back to his feelings. He liked Gavin. God help him, he really did. And if Gavin liked him back, or _loved_ him back, was that really such a bad thing? Was is really something he should be afraid of? He was scared of hurting him again like he must have done it way back then even though he didn’t want to.

He was the one who started their new relationship. He was the one who watched Gavin warm up. He was the one who forced him to confide and put trust in him. Now, it was Hank’s turn. His turn to put trust in Gavin, in his feelings and in his judgement to make the best of these feelings, no matter where that would lead both of them.

Looking at Gavin, Hank found he had a preference for which way Gavin’s feelings could lead them. All he had to do was sit back and let Gavin do his thing. Let life do its thing. After many long and excruciating years, he finally felt a small burden fall from his shoulders. He didn’t have to be the only one taking care of the way his life should be. He was doing a terrible job at that anyway.

It was clear to him now. There was only one thing he could do next. Only one thing he wanted to do next.

He would put his trust in Gavin.

And he would wait.

For love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Falling in love is a process.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> I usually draw fanart so it's nice to relax with some writing as well. You can say hi to me on Twitter @DarkDumb.  
> Have a nice day!


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